Q: My spouse drinks/smokes and I hate it. Is there anything I can do?
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A: The first question we would ask is, “Did you know about this habit when you got married?” By the time you get married, you’d better have done a great deal of background checking, knowing fully whom you are going to be marrying. And a habit like drinking or smoking usually isn’t hidden for long. Of course, in some cases these habits can start after marriage, but the answer would still be the same.
Developing or breaking any habit takes discipline. If it’s developing the discipline to walk on a treadmill, if it’s getting your finances in order, if it’s disciplining your time in the Word of God or praying with your mate, it takes a heart desire and a willingness to work hard.
Smoking and drinking also carry along physiological issues (addictions) that make breaking these habits very difficult. So you need to understand how hard it will be for your spouse, as well as realizing that no change will occur until there is a heart desire on your spouse’s part.
You need to express your desire and your spouse needs to validate it. Express your concerns about health, about modeling issues for your kids, whatever. Then pray for God to do a work in your spouse’s heart.
*For more practical marriage advice, check out The Great Marriage Q&A Book. It's available in our online bookstore!