Q: Sometimes I just need to be by myself to think things through. How can I communicate this to my spouse without him/her thinking I’m hiding something?
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A: When you and your spouse are in conflict, one of the important things for you both to do is stay in connection with each other. However, we also know that some people are “internal processors,” so they don’t necessarily come to resolution by talking it out.
If you need to sort things out alone and over the course of some time, communicate to your spouse that time alone gives you the chance to consider the situation from all angles, to pray, and to cool off (if needed) and think rationally. Stepping away may make perfect sense to you, but realize that this leaves your spouse with great anxiety unless you communicate.
Your spouse will fear abandonment or rejection. Give assurance to your spouse that you’re going to come back together to discuss the issue further. Put a timeline on it so it doesn’t just get lost in the noise of other daily activities. In other words, explain why you’re stepping away, but also promise that you’ll deal with the issue in fifteen minutes or tomorrow after breakfast or whenever.
*For more practical marriage advice, check out The Great Marriage Q&A Book. It's available in our online bookstore!